This blog is a look at the biblically informed way of raising male children. We will take a significant Bible verse, with regard to children and expand upon its meaning and its implications.
Hebrews 12:5
And you have forgotten the consolation, which speaketh to you, as unto children, saying: My son, neglect not the discipline of the Lord; neither be thou wearied whilst thou art rebuked by him.
In my opinion, since this is in the New Testament, this speaks of the confessional and a priest telling you that what you did was very wrong and what to do to repair it. But this also applies to children. Just as we call the priest father in his place of standing for our heavenly father, because of his vocation, we stand in our heavenly father’s place in our homes. Fathers should always anticipate things that might hurt their children and warn them. They should also anticipate moral transgressions like lying and stealing and warn them against them. In my opinion, children should be warned several times before physical consequences (i.e. the rod) are incurred. In the case of some families, when children are small they are slapped on the calf with a chopstick or a wooden rice scooping spoon.
Ephesians 6:4
(Douey-Rheims Catholic Translation) And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord.
(Smith’s Literal Translation) And, fathers, be not angry with your children: but bring them up in the instruction and reminding of the Lord.
In my opinion, you should avoid being angry at a child when you punish them. Now if a child has hurt his or her brother or sister, this is sometimes hard to do, but moderate the application of the displine and do not let the anger drive the intensity of the punishment.
Proverbs 13:24
He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes.
Now physical displine is most effective once the child reaches and age of understanding but before they reach the full age of reason (2-8) where he or she can equate pain with not doing a certain thing (trying to stick a paperclip in a electrical socket, trying to cross the street without looking, touching a hot stove, playing with sharp objects, generally things which can result in their death or serious injury). If you tell them what could happen and why they shouldn’t do it and when they try to do it 2 or 3 times and discipline them if they do, eventually they will do something like touch a hot oven and they learn that the warnings and the pain inflicted prior to them getting hurt are correlated and will begin to respect your wisdom. This is burned into their “software” and will respond more favorably to other parental warnings including eventually couching with regard to moral issues. Hopefully, this will serve to save not only their mortal lives but also their immortal souls.
Proverbs 13:1
A wise son heareth the doctrine of his father: but he that is a scorner, beareth not when he is reproved.
This is a warning to fathers in my opinion, to not punish for every infraction or over react because eventually a child will not listen to you. They will disregard your warnings both for the secular world and with regard to avoiding moral transgressions. If a child losses heaven, at least with regard to that child, you have failed as a parent.
Deuteronomy 8:5
That thou mayst consider in thy heart, that as a man traineth up his son, so the Lord thy God hath trained thee up
This speaks to teaching your children the lessons you have learned in life and if you have obtained a deeper understanding of scriptural and moral teachings pass it on to your children.
2 Timothy 3:16
All scripture, inspired of God, is profitable to teach, to reprove, to correct, to instruct in justice,
Go to mass and discuss what you have heard at the sermon or homily. If possible, send your children to Catholic school, or home school them or at least send them to Sunday catechism. To reinforce how important, “keeping holy the lord’s day,” make it a point to never miss Sunday mass. If vacationing, always try to find the nearest catholic church before going and attend while on vacation. My father, though in the army, always used to call ahead to find a catholic school close to his next assignment for me to attend. If possible, it is my opinion that you should try to find a school for your children to attend in a traditional Catholic parish or equivalently teaches traditional catholic traditions, values, morals, dogmas and doctrines, In other words teaches strictly orthodox Catholic catechism without equivocating on any point of tradition, doctrine or dogma.
Revelation 3:19
Such as I love, I rebuke and chastise. Be zealous therefore, and do penance.
Teach your children to learn from life. Things that happen to them are not random but sent from God to train them. If they make mistakes encourage them to learn from their mistakes and to improve themselves with regard to those mistakes so as not to repeat them either by training or by practicing endurance.
Proverbs 16:27
(Douey-Rheims translation) The wicked man diggeth evil, and in his lips is a burning fire.
(literal standard version translation) A worthless man is preparing evil, And on his lips [is] as a burning fire.
Worthless is a synonym for Idle according to the Cambridge dictionary (GOOD-FOR-NOTHING – 255 Synonyms and Antonyms – Cambridge English)
BLUF (bottom line up front): If you want decent well-adjusted children who will not be prone to return home, be immoral or not “launch,” keep them occupied with worthwhile pursuits which build their minds, confidence and body but help them avoid moral turpitude!
This is basically where we get the adage: “Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop.” Keep you children busy, not just with busy work, but at soccer, flag football, tee-ball, violin lessons, orchestra, Tae Quan Do, Confraternity of Christian Doctrine (CCD or Sunday School if not attending a Catholic Parochial school) etc. That is sports or useful life skills which can promote their self-confidence. The family spoken about in this blog almost always had their children doing one of the things in the previous 2 sentences and the result was an ability to juggle a job, marriage, hobbies and children even in our present day super hectic world.
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend
This iron sharpens iron also applies to raising children. I know a man who trained one of his children to play chess. He played him time and time again and beat him. The child’s mother suggested the father to allow the child to win once in awhile but the father refused. The child read books on chess and eventually by the time he was in 5th grade he was able to beat his father outright – using a classic opening in about 5 moves.
The family discussed above, had 3 male children, eventually graduated a engineering management major that works for the government with a high security clearance, a cybersecurity engineer and a Ph.d level material sciences laser engineer. Unfortunately, though one is a practicing catholic, one became a protestant and one, possible due to attending a highly secularize university’s Ph.D program (though he was formerly an altar boy), became an atheist. One must stay close to the faith always or risk losing it. It is my opinion that if the family had attended traditional Catholic parish, there may have been more success, but I know that the father keeps in touch with all his children prays for them and does what he can to continue to catechize the fallen away children.
As an aside, I have notice that children that speak more than one language seem to have more pride in themselves, their family’s country of origin and their parents, especially if their parents had to learn an new language to live in the country they are in. they also appear to be more intellectually pliable and tolerant. I think, this ability to speak another language, helps them feel more confident in any environment.
If the family has more than one child, the parents should strive not to have favorites, in which case, in the experience I have seen with children, the children will grow up well. My father was a sergeant major and the 3 lessons I learned or he taught me were, 1. always be fair and 2. mean what you say, 3. Be consistent, never let an infraction go without oral correction or if several instances of oral correction have already been given, physical discipline.
Traditional Thomistic Catholic 